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 No jokes DTF tonight Good looking, in extremely good physical condition very toned. I have some tattoos nice eyes and am very clean. I can host or come to you. Send a pic of you not someone else and I will do the same. No bs let's make this happen. There can be no for this. I can't sleep. A lot of things are bothering me, have been bothering me... I've been ignoring them, bottling them up, putting them on the shelf. But they've caught up to me. This weekend there was a rather intense quake that knocked all my bottles off their shelves and to the , where they have broken and their contents pool and soak deep into the of my soul. I dated a woman for xxx years, she was never perfect. was I. We made it work, we bargained, looking 4 a lady that what s to have a good time fun people in Bellaire we sacrificed. Towards the end she left out of state with a man she had just met just a few monthsmilf steinbach woman prior, adult dating in ralston oklahoma a man she cheated on me with many times before. They were to , but he was an immature ish man . He would never communicate without crying, would always use guilt as a tool for manipulation. A very sick individual, I'm sure you know his type... This runs rampant with them. She reached out and asked me to move her back to her home. I obliged, though at great cost to myself financially and emotionally. Within xxx months of her return she had married a different man. It was to be the final straw, I cut myself off from her insane train wreck of a life. Turned into myself and healed... For a long while I was single. The hatred and disdain for her, those like her, and myself slowly waned. The bitter chips on my shoulder filled and were made smooth again. I became whole and full of myself. It was not to last. Quickly, much quicker than I had anticipated, the lonesomeness came... As the nights marched xxx after another this built. The darkness once my friend had become my , for in the darkness of my room the deep dark inside me made its home. Demons poured from me and took their residence in the shadows. No problem to me, I've felt this way before, many times before. I take comfort in this hunt, in hunting them down and locking them away. The of my mind quickly became full of these inmates. They rattle the cages I place them in, leering with rotten eyes, heckling me at every turn and at every misstep. A demented zookeeper I stand with a show of horrors beside me... all as it should be... all in the only balance I have ever known. Then of course that balance would be rudely disrupted. I was in attendance at the wedding of a good friend of mine, xxx of only xxx such people i'd friend. Weddings are traditionally a very emotional ordeal for many people. To myself it was no exception. When they said their vows I found tears in my eyes welling up, pooling at the edges of my eyelids. Fighting as hard as I could have not to blink, I did, and as I did the tears poured out uncontrollably. My emotions were wrecked. I was so overwhelmed with for my friend, for someone I have traversed many dangerous terrains, for someone with whom I have been through the proverbial ups and downs. Yet there was something else there, inside me. A darkness; was it anger? Perhaps Jealousy? What ever it was it manifested itself against the thought, that I have never been looked at by a woman like the way his looked at him. In that thought a million permutations, a subtle yet powerful symbol of my utterly pointless life thus far. I have never been successful in making a lasting or meaningful connection with a woman. The older I get the less interested women my age become in having anything to do with a weird, socially isolated, and somewhat unattractive, man who has the social grace of a x th grade boy. It is within that thought, that I find the ultimate sadness. Immediately I sought out a woman who I had seen and spoke to before, a woman who had seen and spoke to me. I struck a grand conversation and came to learn many of her interests, her body language was most promising, I went for it. I asked her if she would like to our conversation on elsewhere in a more appropriate venue, perhaps dinner? She blushed, said yes, we exchanged numbers. Grand. It was less than x hours later that she sent me a simple text regretting to inform me that she had just experienced a tragic break up and was not interested in being pursued by a man. Classic, polite excuse... Honestly I feel it was better for both of us that way because it seemed like we were simply xxx people on a wedding high. I'm used to hearing no, I have only heard no from women, on repeat. It would be the opposite answer that I have trouble with. It's when women say yes unexpectedly. I don't have the capital to provide this woman the caliber of entertainment necessary to prove to her that I'm a fun and hip gentleman suitor. I'm not, I am boring, bland, and for the sake of ; I'm a major who works part time for minimum wage, lives with his parents and writes computer programs for enjoyment. It quite literally does not get more dull and uninteresting than that. I have more "red flags" than an expert game of minesweeper. However, No matter how right it feels or how content I feel with it, my persists. Sometimes I feel time skip like a heartbeat. These people I've met, these experiences I are so small in stature, like specks of dust in the wind. My concern is that I will not collect enough of them before my sand runs out. I digress and it is time for bed. Writing this has settled me. Knowing that, somewhere at least xxx of you faceless many may have read this expulsion of my mind, eases my .